I suck at dodge ball

So, I was in the shower at the HPC (the gym, my place of employment) and this idea just came to me. Its this idea of life being one huge game of dodge ball.

Life is like dodge ball. You jump, you twist, you turn and you duck to get out of the way of all these obsticles. But sometimes if you aren't paying attention and if you aren't quick enough, you take on right to the gut. Well, I suck at dodge ball.

It doesn't come as a shock to anyone that I've fallen on some hard times lately. In the past month I've gone thru break up and move out of my parents house. Work is just crazy. There so so many things changing and I'm starting to realized that I can't trust anyone. Sometimes I just wish I weren't so nice, and sometimes I just wish I could make people disappear. I don't understand back stabbing and gossip and creating drama. I feel like I'm in high school again. Everyone sees me as the vulnerable one ... the easy target.

But this time I have something that I didn't before ... faith. Faith in something bigger than me, faith in believing that everything happens for reason and faith that I am going to be ok because I identify myself as a Christ follower and find my strength in Him.

But, I still suck at dodge ball. Sometimes I'm too trusting, other times I'm not trusting enough, Sometimes I'm oblivious to the things that go on around me and other times I'm too much of a snoop. I've learned that life, like dodge ball, is a game, and I don't play games. I'm raw. I'm honest. I'm real. I wear my heart on my sleeve.

Sometimes I think about how life and how temporary it is. I tend throw it away sometimes. But, life is a gift from God. I think about HEaven and all that, what it will be like. But, I lraned that the kingdom of Heaven is any place where the will of God is accomplished. So, God's kingdom can be anywhere, right? Maybe I should start caring more about the here and now.

Sometimes I ask God why I don't have what I want. Why don't I have a husband? Why don't I have a career? Why don't I have a good group of freinds here? But then I think about all that I do have. I have an amazing family and this crazy passion for Him. And that crazy passion is all I will ever need.

I think God lets us love life through the people He has put in it. Like having parents who are your best friends. Its about having two best friends from college you've only known for a short time, but you feel like you grew up together. Its about having a best friend you've had since you were four and every day you grow closer. Its remembering all the crazy times in the dorms and all the things you went through together which bonded you so tightly (deaths, weddings, heart breaks, babies). Its about driving around town with your favorite country song on repeat ("come and lay your head on this big brass bed and we'll be alright as long as you stay with me"). Its about loving each person and embracing that they love you back.

So, this thing with dodge ball. Its a two sided game. Just as much as you dodge, other people are doing the same thing. Just as you may take a hit, they may too. It makes me think about how many people I've hurt in my life. I know there have probably been a few, or more then a few. How many people took one to the gut because of something I've done?

Life ... so screwed up. Does anyone ever really figure it out? That's where my faith comes in ... faith that I'm living for something more, faith that God will get me through the hard times and faith that I do indeed have a purpose in this crazy game of dodge ball.