Hi, My name is Ashley, and I never learn from my mistakes...

I got my butt kicked by this illness called strep throat this week. Wednesday night I started feeling crappy. I only did half my shift at work on Thursday and was completely out of Friday. I hurt so bad I could barely walk up and down the stairs in my house. Friday I went to the doctor and then laid in bed all day, shivering wondering what it would be like if I died. I had an encounter with a very irrate ex, which pissed me off even more because I was really, really sick. But, laying in bed the whole day I had a lot of time to think about things and a lot of time to talk to God. So, for everyone who doesn't know me ...

HI, MY NAME IS ASHLEY, AND I NEVER LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES ...

So, I've made some pretty bad choices the last few months. I pretty much heard God telling me no, yet I defied him. Plain and simple, I chose not to listen. I've been down that road before and I know it leads to nothing good, but do I ever learn from my mistakes? My friend Paul politely answered "no," but it was meant to be more of a rhetrocial question.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find a nice, Christian boy to settle down with, which, in turn makes me ask myself why I haven't been looking for a nice Christian boy. I guess there is a multitude of answers to that. One, I guess I've never been totally secure in my faith, I backslid a lot since I got saved almost 2 years ago. Mainly, in the category of guys. Second, I wonder if a Christian man is willing to forgive me for all my mistakes, including the ones I've made after becoming a Christian.

Today, Pastor Eric talked about sin and how turning from sin is a collabortive effort between you and Christ. Well, I realized that I'm not making the effort to turn away from my sins. Sometimes I just brush it off, like "O, Christ will forgive me. Jesus still loves me." Its not an excuse to do things that I KNOW are WRONG. I feel so guilt ridden over it. Guilt is not of God, and I know I just have to ask for forgiveness and let it go, because as Pastor Eric said today our relationship with Christ can't grow if we are holding on to the past. In my case, this past was 2 weeks ago.

I think I hurt someone. I was just stating how I felt about certain things, being completely honest ... and I ended up hurting somone. I just wanted to let it be and just move on with life, but I gave in (again) and it turned into a 3-ring circus. I should have just kept my mouth shut, like I was planning to. He didn't need my 2-sense, he's a big boy and why does it matter if I like the way he lives his life or not? Maybe I should just learn to support him if he's happy (as a friend, of course), and just pray. But in the same sense, its a two-way street ...

"Our maturity in Christ is a cooperative effort. YOU need to take the steps in your life to get rid of sin." - Pastor Eric Miller
With that being said, I made a list of things that I can personally do to help get rid of the sin in my life.
1. Don't date non-Christians ... wait, don't date ANY boy (non-Christian or EVEN CHRISTIAN)who do not have the same views on life as you do. Don't feel pressued into doing anything. If you feel guilty about something its probably because what you are doing is WRONG.
2. Be careful not to prejudge people (I tend to do this a lot).
3. Have patience in all circumstances.
4. Praise the Lord and pray to him ALWAYS. Let him have full control of your life.

I'm a smart girl ... I should start acting like it.