The Pursuit of Happyness

Do ever wonder what it would be like to be truly happy? No worries ... you love abs. every portion of your life? What would that be like? Is this something that is even possible?

So, last weekend I saw the new Will Smith movie, "The Pursuit of Happyness." (As a writer, I cringe spelling that with a 'y' and not an 'i'.) The movie wasn't as good as I thought it would be. It really just drug on. But, it was a good story. Basically, it was a story of man who was completely broke, and left by his wife to raise his 5 -year-old son. He gets this internship at a brokerage firm, but its not paid. He works his way thru this internship. He and his son end of living in like a homeless shelter type thing, and even spend a few nights in a subway bathroom. So, it ends up he gets the one job spot out of the intership and eventually ends up owning his own multi-million dollar firm.

A black screen with white lettering told the end of the story. I sat staring at these words, about this multi-million dollar company that he ended up creating, and though to myself, 'that's total happiness?'

So, thus made me think about how total happiness is defined. I think 'happiness' means different things to different people. So, here it is ...
Things that make me happy: my family, my friends, granny smith apples, chocolate, Christmas, a warm bed, the memories I have from college, helping others, the beach, my paycheck, good music, dance lessons, macaroons ... I could go on and on.
But, like all those things are so material. So, what if I based my happiness solely on those things? Anyone of those things can be ripped out from underneath me in the blink of an eye. My friends and family could stop loving me or be gone, chocolate, granny smith apples and macroons could be become non-marketable foods, beaches can errode, when I'm old I may not remember as much of college as I can now, I could loose the ability to dance ever again, I could lose my job, etc. etc. So, strip all those things away and what would be left?

Six or seven years ago, when I was 15 and 16, I struggled with depression. I was sad all the time, I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to be around other people. I wanted to die. I just wanted my pain to go away so bad that I just wanted to die. There it is, flat out. I start to cry as I write about it, because I remember what a lost person I was back then. I think about all the great things in my life that I would have missed out on if I would have taken my own life. I would have never graduated high school, gone to college, met my best friends. I think about my family ... if I would have done it, how would that have screwed up my dad and my brother and my sister's lives?

I'm not completey cured and I'm not completely all better. I haven't thought about taking my own life in a really, really long time, but there are so day where I still get down and just want to be left alone. I think it will always be something I struggle with.

When I accepted Christ almost 2 years ago, I found my hope and I found my strength. I know that if all those material things are taken from me, I will still have my faith. The biggest thing I learned is that even tho I have that, my life is never going to be perfect. Becoming a Christian didn't make my life perfect and easy, and it never will. There are always going to be those trials and tough times in my life. But through those things, I am going to grow as a person and my relationship with Christ is going to be shaped and molded and strengthened. Without those hard times, how would I know just how great God is?

So, happiness, such a screwed up concept. Complete and total happiness ... I think its about being ok with yourself and not basing your existance on material things. Maybe your idea of happiness changes with each stage of your life.

"The Lord is my strength and my shield. My heart trusts in him, and I am helped." -Psalm 28:7